the bookcase gets passed...

that bookcase is the one my great-grandfather made and I was lucky enough to get as a small child (AND pick the color out for). It now goes to Aurora.. I'm going to paint a mermaid on the wall behind it sitting on it...

the opposite wall (which has nothing worth taking a picture of) will be the Alice in Wonderland/Harry Potter wall with a big tree painted, flowers, and the flying ford anglica! When I get around to painting I'll post! 

A's Bedroom

Do you like the lovely door decorations the previous family generously left us? The cool fish in the corner Brandy found! The wall facing the camera and to the left will be "Under Water" wall 

The Bedroom Art

 

Half of our living room (part I)

Mom gave me the picture of Great-Grandma Grace!

 

Half of our living room

You'll be REALLY impressed when you realize our fake wood items are ALL different shades of Wood... 

The Kitchen Cupboards

No more boxes on the floor, only things on the counter. Please take note of the missing Stove hood... we like the cardboard look :) Actually our nice new hood is sitting next to the fridge awaiting installation... 

The Kitchen Floor...

why tile, god? why?!

 

Nymph Stella Bella

She couldn't be any more beautiful if she tried!

 

Aurora @ Mom's Wedding

She looked very adorable, but we must admit she looks very odd not only IN Clothes but clothes with Frills! 

cleaning break

I just finished by second swipe at the kitchen floor. I don't think I'm up for a third as my arm is cramping. But it certainly looks much better and it won't take much more work to get the remaining paint splatters off the floor, and I've gotten most of the plaster off as well.

Eddie agreed to take A swimming for a bit. And even tho he was very sweet and begged me to go I am PMSing and just wanted some time to myself to work out all my frustration.

Plus I got to play in the water yesterday. Mom and Spud tied the knot at Warm Springs near Cascade at Spud's family reunion. It was a pretty ceremony and Domniana (Dauvey) performed the tieing. So we got a chance to play in the lake. Stella got a baby leech on her, "There was a snail on me and so I flicked it off." hehehe. They aren't the gianormous ones, so no reason to be concerned.

The car ride about killed me what with PMS, Eddie's driving and sitting in a car for 6 hours. I thot my knees and back were ready to break.

Okay, enough chatter.. I've got to get back to organizing/cleaning house.

because I love the "aging kevin costner morphed with elvis" hair 

Are we sure Jesus wasn't a woman?

The three sisters had enough. It was worse than usual. Life was taking on a tinge of bitterness. The tension had been mounting. Nothing they did was right, even if they meant to be helping. They looked at each other. It was coming. The inevitable explosion of anger.

They could wait it out. Wondering every moment which one would set if off. Wondering how it would effect their lives in the near future. Or someone could play the part of the provocateur. Again, they exchanged knowing looks. Finally, the middle girl straightened her back, "I'll do it. I'm here less often. It won't effect me as much." There were nods of agreement. It was the only way.

---

He lived 30 minutes away. But they couldn't think who else could help. She could hear her sister's voice reaching a frantic tempo, trying to get it all into the receiver. It had gotten that bad. It was only going to get worse.

The older woman was hysterical. The girl felt righteous. She was certain she had the answers. She chose her next words with deliberation. Each syllable stabbed through the air, "You're a martyr." Her hands began to clench instinctively wondering why the older woman hadn't slammed a fist into her face. And then she saw it. The older woman began to pull her arm back...

Then he walked in. He took two steps and was between them. Trying to sort it out. Mainly just trying to get his daughters into the car without too much explanation. The girls could hear their mother yelling, sobbing. The middle girl was breathing heavily. She couldn't imagine how her father had gotten there so fast. Nor did she want to think about what would have happened if he hadn't.

---

The next day she called her sisters. Everything was fine. Everything they did was perfect. The plan had worked. She would just lie low for a while and hope everything would be forgiven.

---

but then you grow up and realize how much easier life can be if you do become the typical martyred mother/wife. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of asking 10 times for something to get done, leaving a list, offering bribes, giving ultimatiums and then ulitmately doing it myself anyway. Why NOT just do it in the first place.
I'm trying not to operate under false expectations any more. I hate fighting. I hate begging. I hate being ignored. I'll take the goddamn garbage out myself. Don't worry about the laundry. Those dishes? Don't worry I'll pick them up and clean them for you. I'll also remind you to brush your teeth and feed the baby. It's just easier.

Aurora has to sleep with a stuffed animal just as I do (yes, I still sleep with Fluffy)... her's is Sheepy. 

EXTREME CLOSE UP! 

selected for jury trial

Defense Lawyer: "Were his pants down?"

Witness: "Yes."

Defense Lawyer: "About how far down were they?"

Witness: "About down to his ankles."

I almost didn't hold it together. I had to bite my tongue. but the rest of my face must have given it away because as I quickly scanned the courtroom the prosecuting attorney was looking right at me with a huge grin on his face.

But, still, the conclusion: Not Guilty due to Reasonable Doubt.

new bracelet

 

some quick updates:

I've painted half of the kitchen twice and the other half not at all

Aurora and I seem to be getting along much better at the present moment, perhaps the meds are helping (no, not me, her...)

Her skin is beautiful alabaster now, none of that icky eczema! Yea!

We had a slight baby disaster, tho she's not even bruised... I set her down (curse our moved items) and she managed to pull my case of buttons onto her head. fortunately she was too shocked and pissed to eat any buttons. Poor thing. Scared the shite out of both of us.

Dad and Deb picked up quite a few of our yardsale boxes, which helped immensely! I can actually walk through the living room now. And we had forgotten how big of a space it really is.

The kitchen is slowly coming along. I've got the fridge in place (about killed my back, but managed).

Also have hung some pictures! Amazing what a difference it makes.

Our front yard is still pretty ghetto but with eddie's schedule (home around 1 am and then watching the babe all day) and the heat it's not even worth killing ourselves over.

I'm tired tired tired. Since I worked on the house so much on Sunday I felt like I should have a few more days off! Oh well. Am cutting out of work early today, since I'm heading to Jill's tonight to work with her on some things this evening.

managed to finish mom's flowers last night (not they were incredibly difficult). Joint pain and fake flowers don't necessarily work well together (my hands have gotten so bad I don't know how I'm going to work on my purses).

Note to self: Look through herb books for joint pain relief.

second note to self: Drink more water

I also stabbed myself with one of the flower ends so my thumb was bleeding the whole evening. I was starting to feel like the Marquis de Sade in Quills.

No.. I didn't actually make chum in my kitchen sink, since we are in a landlocked state even I recognize the fruitlessness of trying to attract sharks. This is, however, the remnants of last night's pasta... 

One of Aurora's new favourite activities 

Superman Returns *Spoilers!*

I spent most of the movie in tears. seth warned it was sad, but i had no idea i had such strong emotional attachment to Superman.

Opening Credits w/Superman Theme Song: Cried

Clark speaks for the first time: Cried

Superman with perfect hair curl: Cried (repeat at least first five times character is shown in this manner)

Lois and family: cried

Thinking Lois will leave Richard for Superman: Cried

knew who's child it was but actual moment the movie shows it: Cried

Realization Lois won't leave Richard: Cried

Superman says goodbye: Cried and cried and cried and cried

They did an amazing job. Always has cracked me up that lois can be so in love with Superman and so blind to Clark. I suppose people are like that. Only see what they want to.

had no choice but to place myself in Lois's shoes. if for some reason the one that got away came back and there was suddenly a choice to make? with a baby and a loving husband. I shudder to think of the torture. i have nightmares about it constantly. One last night, too, thanks to Superman.

plus a realization of the fact that some things you thought would never happen do happen and there might not be any going back.

is there such thing as closure? coming to terms with the loss of something YOU think is unjust, but in all reality might not be? and thinking that being a selfish creature, as always, may work out well and fine on your end, but what about the other end.

decisions are made for a reason. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I could be considered something poisonous, something to slip away from, but I know damn well I can be parasitic and demanding. And who can keep up with those demands? Only Eddie tries and even when he doesn't he sticks with me and tells me I'm a nut job and taking him along for the ride and then ignores me. and perhaps that's the only way to survive me.

Dead Man's Chest *Spoilers*

I FINALLY Got to see the new Pirates movie. It was cute, funny, and all in all not as good as the first. Why do sequels always try to one up it? Granted the effects for the cursed sailors much cooler this time around. But I'm not into gore. The mummy movies got it right. Scary, funny, but no blood. This movie has an opening seen where you watch a man's eyeball getting ripped from the socket by a BIRD! There are only two other movies I recall seeing such a thing in.
1. An American Werewolf in Paris
2. Kill Bill II.
PLUS it IS a kids movie, no matter what you want to say: Children want to see it, it's a disney movie. it's kinda creepy.

Bill Nighe did a fantastic job, as usual, as Davey Jones. His little head twitches with those stunning blue eyes. I love it.

Johnny Depp was SUPERB and beautiful, as usual.

Keira Knightley was pretty cute throughout. But when she kisses YOU KNOW WHO (if you've seen the movie and it's not the right one) I thought I would cry. Not fair for her to get so many beautiful men at such a young age.

Orlando Bloom... what can one say. The scrawny brit is gorgeous for some reason. When they rip his shirt off I had a moment of elation and horror (horror due to the flogging, which i think comes from my obsession with Jamie, Diana Gabaldon's Outlander hero).

It didn't end on a happy note, as Disney movies should. And they left the story in the middle, leaving it for numero tres. Very unfair.

But, i'd still see it again, and again, and again, and again.

Plus certain things in my life have become tinged since the first movie...Funny how certain things become recollections for you. When the first Pirates came out my life was very different. It doesn't seem so very long ago, but at that time I was still working for RehabAuthority... I went to see it with Sarah (to whom I must have been an awful friend for the second she picked up a boyfriend she stopped talking to me--this is about a year and half ago), I also went to see it with Chelsea.. who now is living in Eugene and is an anarchist and world traveler.

So between the first and second movie I've lost a best friend, my little sister has abandoned us all to our life of greed, i've gotten a husband, and had a baby (not necessarily in that order). I wonder what could possibly happen between the second and third...

doc appt for Aurora

So quick update... her neck issue, not just eczema but also infection (poor thing).

weight: 18 lbs (down to the 75% from 90%)
height: 26 1/2 inches (50% still)

she had more shots so she's been sleeping most of the day. eddie's picking up prescriptions for her infection. makes me feel terrible. no wonder she's been so needy. perfectly happy as long as one of us (mainly me) is with her. as if it somehow makes life bearable.

sometimes i just feel rotten

how can one eat anymore

i finally picked up some groceries. not ambitious enough to cook a full meal, however. so last night i decided a upon a small fry up of zucchini (the good homegrown kind from his parents, not the wimpy small ones from the store).

I sliced it in half did a terrific job of mangling one side of it trying to get the slices even so they'd cook nicely (what I got instead were massive thick slices that took twice as long to cook as the normal slices and four times as long to cook as the complete F--k ups which were only half slices).

after cooking those I reached for the other half of the zucchini. It looked weird. so i turned the sliced end toward me and brought it closer. at the very end where the skin meets the flesh were lovely drops of clear liquid. like Aurora's tears, dew, covering the ring. it was beautiful, all these shining bubbles backed by that lovely green... and then it hit me: my zucchini was bleeding.

and like most things in my life i shuddered, wiped the blood away, picked up the knife and continued cutting.

the momma files

 

Experimenting

show of hands

is it natural for a mother to do either an army crawl or weird monkey crouch-walk out of your baby's room simply so the child (hopefully) won't see you over the crib bumper and begin crying because you have abandon her to a veritable jail to sleep?

the first night it happened it seemed perfectly natural. tonight, however, i had to hide behind a blanket i'd hung over the edge of her crib. she'd look at one corner and i'd move to another hole to peek, trying to find a time when her head was turned so i could escape.

i'm not being mean. it's her bed time, she fell asleep two minutes after i left the room, but if she sees me leave it's all over. i felt very deceitful.

and I have been "spoilt" by having everything hidden in boxes and too hard to get to. for now i'm beginning to have some semblance of order and managing to find most everything. this means no more completely wasteful evening. i must get back to cleaning or i shall be woefully buried beneath dirty dishes and clothes along with cardboard boxes.

thank goodness for technology. I have such fabulous company (in the forms of mr. darcy, elizabeth bennett, demetrius, lysander, etc) directed by only the best (austen, shakespeare, etc). so even if the eyes are otherwise occupied mine ears shall yet hear.

and because I mistakenly checked my work emails this evening: WHAT THE FUCK DO PEOPLE THINK THAT IF I DO THEM A FAVOR IT ENTITLES THEM TO WALK THE FUCK ALL OVER ME!

(I will now try to untie the knots in my stomach before going to bed or else I'll only have nightmares about work)

Aurora eating carrots

Silent film

Carrot stained

even after a tubbers

 

the life of comfort

the air is working. the house is cool. this evening i managed to get a few things put away and boxes thrown away, so i am feeling very accomplished. i just took a short shower and am now lounging about in my summer robe.

Pride and Prejudice is, of course, playing in the background. and, yes, i'm watching part II first. and if i manage to get through that i will put in part I. i will momentarily begin pampering my feet. i've neglected them far too long and when i don't give them a good rub down every evening in about a week's time my legs ache so horribly i begin to believe i won't survive to see 30.

I've just done a very mom-like thing. i went out in public (well the front lawn) in Nothing but my robe so that i could move the hose. after i had done it i realized that i might possibly be flashing all sorts of bits to the high school students across the street (tho i don't think they come home til late). i must remember to do all these things after the sunsets. As there are no street lights and not a light on our front porch this should suffice.

BUT more great things about being a mom:
5. seeing that sensible shoes at work are a must if one would like to be able to walk after work to do such duties as feed baby; so now i'm wearing a new pair (MY FIRST) cons everyday and my goal is to collect them in all colors for my outfits. and it's OKAY because i'm a young, sensible, hip mom who can get away with this behaviour.

6. believing absolutely in one's genius when discovering such handy tips as placing the baby's bib on BACKWARDS when eating so all stains are hidden and bib can still be used "about town" without one feeling miserable about lack of stain removal.

To Lynn, For Aurora

in regards to the sweetest post http://mymixedcompany.com/wp/?p=306
because out of anything else I ever do to or for Aurora I'll never lie about my feelings:


"you're so sweet. I hope she feels the same. not to be negative, but everyone else was far more excited than I was about the situation. now I miss feeling Aurora move inside me, but at the time all I could think was, 'I have to some how survive getting you out.. and then survive you.' It really wasn't hard. Not like I thought. It's just something you do. It didn't matter I was in pain for 36 hours because I just had to do it.

People say I've never been more beautiful [then when pregnant]. All I could concentrate on was the aching, the tiredness. But yes, now that it's gone I miss looking down and seeing a beautiful round ball floating in front of me, some how making all my clothes look just right.
and now there's more tiredness and achiness and doing things I never thought I could like sacrifice myself for another human being. And it doesn't matter what I look like because she's the most beautiful thing in the world and I'm her mother."

so tired

i think my eyeballs are actually starting to slide out of my open eyelids into the hammocks created by the bags under my eyes. at least at this point the beautiful blue-ish violet of the bags should allow my retinas some sort of comfort.

I'm ready for my close up

Our version of the surprised heroine

 

I've found perfection

Please note the delicious fat roll at the back of the ankle and the wonderful mound of flesh atop the foot, which offers no end of delight I assure you. 

a home without central air

shows just how incredibly spoiled we have become. we put the window unit into our bedroom since eddie can't sleep when it's hot. I've been turning the fan on high in A's room to keep her cool at night and just had the fan wherever we are during the day.

but tomorrow, maybe, we'll have central air back. Eddie and ed are running the ducting themselves and it's pretty amusing watching them banter back and forth about what goes where and what's already done. it usually comes out even at the end of the day of who's right.

brian was over. he said he was amazed i hadn't shot myself from having to hear them bicker all the time, but i find it only slightly irritating. it's like having my own sitcom.. my own tool time. someday maybe, with some experience, it will upgrade to bob villa style remodeling.

i let eddie get a new computer desk. we're moving my antique desk to the other side of the hallway entrance. immediately as you walk into the front door. BUT i hate to see it go into the attic. antiques are the one thing you should never put in storage. they should be enjoyed and taken care of and if you can't do that then you need to give them to someone who shall.

eddie was weary as he knows i'm tired of living in wall to wall furniture, but i need a desk to work at as well. or least pretend i'm working at since my great novel is still moving along very slowly. although i've got an interesting new idea (which will also sit in a drawer with my other great beginnings).

A has been incredibly fussy as of late. always wanting mommy. very odd since she was always a daddy's girl. but no. if she's not in my arms she's typically unhappy. sometimes i fool her into being content on her own.. I begin by singing (some reason my singing soothes her, silly thing) and then slip away when she's found something to jangle. or I read to her and then she starts playing with a book and forgets about me for a few minutes. sometimes even 15 minutes. but then she'll look around and realize my big cow eyes aren't staring directly at her and she'll freak out. it doesn't help that she now says, "momma," whenever she is unhappy and needs immediate attention. Makes me feel absolutely horrible if I'm not at her side trying to find the cause of her discomfort. and at times it's impossible to tell if she's in pain or not because she works herself into such hysterics....

but for now she is sleeping peacefully and i'm off to make myself a soothing margarita.

super girl

Baby A working on flying and attacking the Alley Cat.

Hopefully this means she'll be crawling soon. 

bday ideas for our little goddess

okay... so we're trying to (a little a head of time admittedly) find a theme to grow on with A's bday.

I was thinking literature of course. The issue being do I pick until she's old enough or hopefully set a tradition she loves and will be willing to grow with?

first idea, obviously, is a tea party (Alice in Wonderland). but then there is the idea of doing P&P... so we could grow from AinW to P&P...

If you go to Austenblog you'll see comments from Fergie and the editrix's comments on them.. her reply to my question concerning a P&P Party are as follows (fergie's doing a 1888 party):

Editrix:

"Which brings me to the mom wanting to do a party. An 1888-themed birthday party is a charming idea, as is a Pride and Prejudice-themed birthday party. They simply have nothing to do with each other. Jane Austen had been dead for 71 years in 1888. P&P had been written for 82 years and published for 75 years. See where I’m going with this?

It’s not the wanting to have the party–I think that’s sweet and sounds like fun, and you should go for it (send us photos!). It’s the cluelessness of lumping the 19th century all in one big bustles-n-corsets jumble. I also think it’s a real shame that a middle-aged Yank blogger has a better grasp on British history than a MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY."

so if anyone has any other great ideas for bday parties to grow off of let me know!

loud explosions do not help my state of mind

the fourth is over (yea) hopefully neighbours will no longer be lighting very loud fireworks which cause me to fall off the couch or wake from deep slumber thinking the roof has fallen on top of me.

for liking my music so loud i sure can't stand loud sudden noises... like thunder, fireworks or sledgehammers. makes my teeth grind together in an effort to keep my eyeballs/brain from falling out of my skull and on to the floor.

housing update... no baseboards yet, which means I can't put my books away (which, of course, take up most of the living room). Kitchen still unfinished, but I did talk Eddie into putting the cupboards back up so I could put the kitchy accouterments away. We have very small clothing closets and no closets for anything else.

I have been, once again, redefining my life through material objects. This time it is in getting rid of them. So I have about six boxes of things to sell. going to try to have a yard sale on Friday. Amzazing what having a smaller space can do to one's opinion of what is important.

Aurora gave me what I can only assume will be the first of many bloody noses the other day. She likes to try torip my nose ring out, instead, however she shoved her little finger so far up my nose I thought she was trying to perform mummification.

We've also introduced her to the pool. Which we can proudly say she loves and she took to it like a little fishy. unfortunately, like the rest of our scatterbrained lives, we forgot the camera. so maybe soon there will appear pictures of our little mermaid.