i'm thinking of making this the family motto, so if anyone can translate it to latin for my crest I'd appreciate it.
since we moved in the laundry water comes up through the shower. i clean the shower after doing laundry. but lately water hasn't been draining out very well. this morning after my shower not at all.
there is a swat team of plumbers currently at the house trying to get a camera down the drain to see what the problem is because they haven't been able to snake it.
the bathroom has been horrid from the beginning. the family before tiled floor to ceiling all by themselves. they took the tub out and created another tiled monster that we use as a shower. so according to the plumbers we need to rip all the tile out (at least that's good news) and break through the concrete flooring and put new lines in.
soooooo i haven't heard a time estimate yet, but sounds like we're out of our shower and laundry capabilities. Also Eddie and Aurora won't be able to stay there during the days they're working on it, so they'll have to head out to Eddie's parents (at least they'll have a shower and laundry unit). I'll come to work early and shower in the locker rooms in the gym.
I'm worried about my kitties. I'll have to shut them in together (not good) so strange plumbing men don't lose them outside in the cold weather.
I am, just a little, distressed because this isn't exactly what i wanted to be doing over the holidays, even if does mean i'll get a new tub.
21.11.06
for your information
because although horror movies are not my favourite (and I usually cry if eddie even suggests renting one) i have this weird thing for zombies (and no I have not seen ALL zombie movies) but do like 28 days Later, Resident Evil (the first one mainly), and Shaun of the Dead (one of the best movies ever created and whether you like zombies movies or not should go see it as it is a great satire on our current existence and it's british).
http://www.16sparrows.com/fun/Zombie-Guide.html
http://www.16sparrows.com/fun/Zombie-Guide.html
20.11.06
Darkness hides a multitude of sins
my dreams are haunting. i chalk this up to being so depressed lately that i swear my music is playing slower than normal. i couldn't even sing to my playlist the other day at work. i kept having to double check that it was in fact the same playlist i always listen to because it was like someone had replaced it with vinyl and then put something heavy on it to keep it from rotating at 33 rmp.
i was walking slower too. this is highly disturbing because as excited as i am to leave from work every day it felt like it was taking 30 minutes to walk to my car which i can typically see from my office window. but, thankfully, i've regained my short person speed walk.. unfortunately i think it's because all the things which sit across my desk every day at work and tell me how much they don't love me have once again been ingested (this may be comforting to those of you who find it disturbing the ghosts of my past interrupt my normal working day). i dream about them instead.
my dreams begin normal enough (for me anyway). somebody after me, usually something supernatural, so a mummy or vampire. this does not bother me as in every dream in the back of my mind i know i've been in that exact situation before and made it out just fine so all i have to do is remember EXACTLY what i did previously and it will all turn out, right? well, that's the theory in these dreams (logical really) the only problem is something i do usually fucks it over.
for example, in my dream the other night about vampires i knew i had to hide in a dark bedroom with a butcher knife very quietly and they will somehow bypass me but the girl who is supposed to hide in the other bedroom doesn't get the concept and by the time i have her hidden they've already arrived and instead of leaving after looking into the window like i "remember" they find me. so i have to use my knife to break out the window and slash the throat of a vampire, only my arm isn't long enough to reach him so i end up doing very little damage at first and have to keep cutting away.
unfortunately things turn ugly at this point. i can handle vampires, i can handle fighting for my life... but then he appears. and in my dreams he always loves me, but it can never work and i never understand why but i agree. and maybe this is just my subconscious still trying to convince me that it's all for the best but it breaks my heart every night. some nights are worse than others. there are mornings when its all i can do not to cry. and i wonder if this is all some terrible mistake. wondering if my whole purpose in life is to learn to get over it and with every dream knowing that it may not be possible. and maybe these dreams are supposed to be comforting and that this has all happened before and worked just fine, but i did something wrong this time, but not to worry because at some point i'll get to do it again and maybe get it right. or maybe that's just another way for me to not get over the fact that i gave my heart to someone who when he got tired of playing with it put it in a shoebox under his bed and forgot it was there.
i was walking slower too. this is highly disturbing because as excited as i am to leave from work every day it felt like it was taking 30 minutes to walk to my car which i can typically see from my office window. but, thankfully, i've regained my short person speed walk.. unfortunately i think it's because all the things which sit across my desk every day at work and tell me how much they don't love me have once again been ingested (this may be comforting to those of you who find it disturbing the ghosts of my past interrupt my normal working day). i dream about them instead.
my dreams begin normal enough (for me anyway). somebody after me, usually something supernatural, so a mummy or vampire. this does not bother me as in every dream in the back of my mind i know i've been in that exact situation before and made it out just fine so all i have to do is remember EXACTLY what i did previously and it will all turn out, right? well, that's the theory in these dreams (logical really) the only problem is something i do usually fucks it over.
for example, in my dream the other night about vampires i knew i had to hide in a dark bedroom with a butcher knife very quietly and they will somehow bypass me but the girl who is supposed to hide in the other bedroom doesn't get the concept and by the time i have her hidden they've already arrived and instead of leaving after looking into the window like i "remember" they find me. so i have to use my knife to break out the window and slash the throat of a vampire, only my arm isn't long enough to reach him so i end up doing very little damage at first and have to keep cutting away.
unfortunately things turn ugly at this point. i can handle vampires, i can handle fighting for my life... but then he appears. and in my dreams he always loves me, but it can never work and i never understand why but i agree. and maybe this is just my subconscious still trying to convince me that it's all for the best but it breaks my heart every night. some nights are worse than others. there are mornings when its all i can do not to cry. and i wonder if this is all some terrible mistake. wondering if my whole purpose in life is to learn to get over it and with every dream knowing that it may not be possible. and maybe these dreams are supposed to be comforting and that this has all happened before and worked just fine, but i did something wrong this time, but not to worry because at some point i'll get to do it again and maybe get it right. or maybe that's just another way for me to not get over the fact that i gave my heart to someone who when he got tired of playing with it put it in a shoebox under his bed and forgot it was there.
19.11.06
first steps
she's done it. aurora has taken a few minuscule steps. she is only brave enough when she forgets what she's about in moments of excitement. and for the same reason she typically falls after one or two steps.
feels like life watching her taking these steps. She clings so desperately to anything around her, legs shaking and a look of incredulity if she attempts a step. but when she forgets how scary it all is when she is overwhelmed with joy that's when it happens.
i wonder when my next step will be.
feels like life watching her taking these steps. She clings so desperately to anything around her, legs shaking and a look of incredulity if she attempts a step. but when she forgets how scary it all is when she is overwhelmed with joy that's when it happens.
i wonder when my next step will be.
17.11.06
stupid food
nothing very exciting to say. my body is in shut-down mode. irritable bowel syndrome. caused by stress. suddenly v. lactose-intolerant. lots of other things not sitting well either. my stomach is revolting (and not just the fat).
been losing weight, which is a sick plus of the whole ordeal. is prompting me to again make healthy choices since i have fallen so far off the wagon i can't even see it anymore.
some good news: we finally have heat in the house! the house is so tiny it doesn't need to run very often, but those space heaters weren't doing much for us (not that i'm ungrateful. they did keep us from freezing to death the past couple of months). yes, two months trying to get the goddamn gas hooked up. had the gas company come out 4 times before it all actually worked.
and edison FINALLY cut the damn cat door into the utility room so i don't have to keep it their food and litter box in the hallway. Aurora loves this for two reasons. 1) we no longer have a baby gate blocking the hallway so she can travel all over the house and to all of her toys whenever she likes and 2) she likes to reach her arm through the door and play with the cats' tails when they are eating.
work is work and nothing exciting is happening (which is probably a blessing) but there are a lot of nasty tensions floating all over the building which only adds to my health problems. in fact, there are quite a few people working in this department who have developed health issues, especially eating problems since working here. isn't that a joy.
also had to miss class today for a "meeting" in which nobody actually said anything and it was actually just a waste of time lunch. so i'm very upset that one of my few precious hours of ME time (which not only includes brain stimulation but hottie professor) during the week was ONCE again tossed casually out of a three story window with no thought to the fact that if it occurs again i'll probably follow it.
wishing i were still asleep and married to david bowie.
been losing weight, which is a sick plus of the whole ordeal. is prompting me to again make healthy choices since i have fallen so far off the wagon i can't even see it anymore.
some good news: we finally have heat in the house! the house is so tiny it doesn't need to run very often, but those space heaters weren't doing much for us (not that i'm ungrateful. they did keep us from freezing to death the past couple of months). yes, two months trying to get the goddamn gas hooked up. had the gas company come out 4 times before it all actually worked.
and edison FINALLY cut the damn cat door into the utility room so i don't have to keep it their food and litter box in the hallway. Aurora loves this for two reasons. 1) we no longer have a baby gate blocking the hallway so she can travel all over the house and to all of her toys whenever she likes and 2) she likes to reach her arm through the door and play with the cats' tails when they are eating.
work is work and nothing exciting is happening (which is probably a blessing) but there are a lot of nasty tensions floating all over the building which only adds to my health problems. in fact, there are quite a few people working in this department who have developed health issues, especially eating problems since working here. isn't that a joy.
also had to miss class today for a "meeting" in which nobody actually said anything and it was actually just a waste of time lunch. so i'm very upset that one of my few precious hours of ME time (which not only includes brain stimulation but hottie professor) during the week was ONCE again tossed casually out of a three story window with no thought to the fact that if it occurs again i'll probably follow it.
wishing i were still asleep and married to david bowie.
14.11.06
amazed by her brillance and obstinance plus something from the "golden years"
Sunday Aurora was a hellion. Would NOT go to sleep for all she was worth. Would scream bloody effing murder if I put her into a bed that did not have four walls. She finally exhausted herself and fell asleep in my arms for an hour. During the screams I did my best not to beat her. How could behave like this. I just wanted some fun family time, but spent most of it dealing with a crying demon.
Last night, however, she proved, once again, how absolutely brillant she is and that everything just needs to be on her terms.
I've been putting her down for an evening nap around 6:20 and waking her up at 7:30. This means she's actually enjoyable for the time between 7:30 and bedtime which can be an hour or two.
She was having so much fun, tho, I was going to ignore the usual nap time and wait until she seemed on the verge of breakdown before gathering her up. But I didn't have to.
at 6:22 she dropped her toys and started crawling straight to the kitchen. Very odd because I wasn't in the kitchen. I turned around on the couch to see what the heck she was doing. She crawled past her green and orange pumpkin nu-nu to her red and white "normal" nu-nu about 12 inches away. the turned and crawled four feet back to her sheepy and then headed to the baby gate blocking the hallway. She stood up and put sheepy against the fencing and rested her head looking longingly at her bedroom door.
I couldn't help but laugh and thought maybe it was all a mistake, "Aurora? Aurora, do you want nigh-nighs?" she turned to me and then back cuddled again with her sheepy. I swooped her up and carried into her room where I'm pretty sure from the sudden dead weight she fell asleep as I was lowering her into the crib.
Amazing.
my other amazing bit, more from this morning, I suppose was a really annoying and stupid dream turned into a fabulous dream.
after being stuck in a dream about past loves and screaming babies (my own usually) I ended up in a place much like a street fair. I'm not sure what was going on but it wasn't going in a good direction and then a door opened and it was David Bowie. The real surprise is it wasn't David in his younger years, but David very much as his surprise appearance in The Prestige. He looked more delicious than usual. I was stopped in my tracks. He would never even glimpse at a girl like me.
But then things started getting worse and he came out and fixed it. he put a stop to the horrible people and whatever they were doing and I managed to slip a note confessing my love under his door. A few moments later he came out again, but this time looking for me. he, too, confessed his love stating that the moment he had seen me he knew I was the one (yes, I did remember Iman even in my dreams, but rationalized that by saying he had loved her well but she had died.. wow, creepy).
And then David and I got married.
I unfortunately woke up, but his presence keeps returning. and every moment I turn and feel the dream again I positively shiver with delight. he is always a surprise. Just like seeing him in The Last Temptation (of Christ, one of the greatest movies ever made), Zoolander and now The Prestige.
Last night, however, she proved, once again, how absolutely brillant she is and that everything just needs to be on her terms.
I've been putting her down for an evening nap around 6:20 and waking her up at 7:30. This means she's actually enjoyable for the time between 7:30 and bedtime which can be an hour or two.
She was having so much fun, tho, I was going to ignore the usual nap time and wait until she seemed on the verge of breakdown before gathering her up. But I didn't have to.
at 6:22 she dropped her toys and started crawling straight to the kitchen. Very odd because I wasn't in the kitchen. I turned around on the couch to see what the heck she was doing. She crawled past her green and orange pumpkin nu-nu to her red and white "normal" nu-nu about 12 inches away. the turned and crawled four feet back to her sheepy and then headed to the baby gate blocking the hallway. She stood up and put sheepy against the fencing and rested her head looking longingly at her bedroom door.
I couldn't help but laugh and thought maybe it was all a mistake, "Aurora? Aurora, do you want nigh-nighs?" she turned to me and then back cuddled again with her sheepy. I swooped her up and carried into her room where I'm pretty sure from the sudden dead weight she fell asleep as I was lowering her into the crib.
Amazing.
my other amazing bit, more from this morning, I suppose was a really annoying and stupid dream turned into a fabulous dream.
after being stuck in a dream about past loves and screaming babies (my own usually) I ended up in a place much like a street fair. I'm not sure what was going on but it wasn't going in a good direction and then a door opened and it was David Bowie. The real surprise is it wasn't David in his younger years, but David very much as his surprise appearance in The Prestige. He looked more delicious than usual. I was stopped in my tracks. He would never even glimpse at a girl like me.
But then things started getting worse and he came out and fixed it. he put a stop to the horrible people and whatever they were doing and I managed to slip a note confessing my love under his door. A few moments later he came out again, but this time looking for me. he, too, confessed his love stating that the moment he had seen me he knew I was the one (yes, I did remember Iman even in my dreams, but rationalized that by saying he had loved her well but she had died.. wow, creepy).
And then David and I got married.
I unfortunately woke up, but his presence keeps returning. and every moment I turn and feel the dream again I positively shiver with delight. he is always a surprise. Just like seeing him in The Last Temptation (of Christ, one of the greatest movies ever made), Zoolander and now The Prestige.
8.11.06
vote? yes, not that it makes one damned bit of difference
every election year i beat my chest, rip my clothes, gnash my teeth and ask god why the hell i live in this godforsaken state where the morals are so decidedly different from my own.
I live in a state where if I watch the news (which I rarely do any more for my daughter's sake) i will most likely scream obscentities at the telly at least once.
I live in a state where eddie and i cannot get health insurance unless in front of the eyes of the gov't we swear we are of the opposite sex and cross our fingers and swear to love and care till the day we die. Why? because allowing us to be domestic partners, living in sin, having sex and child out of wedlock would open the door for any other decent loving couple of all sorts of sexes to do the same.
and I don't even live in texas (nor do I live in Utah, as heather at http://www.dooce.com points out SHE lives in the reddest state in the union). No, I live in a state where the smart farmers became Republican politicians and all the dumb farmers just sit around and vote for them. fucking Idaho.
but on a better note the weather yesterday was freakishly warm and when I got home eddie hadn't even bothered to open the door all day and had left the heater running so it was about 10 degrees hotter inside and I was already sweating.
Aurora was enjoying playing at superhero. her footsies pjs were unzipped and off her feet, only held on by her adorable arms. sometimes she tries to crawl fast enough to make it turn into a cape flowing behind her. and yesterday was no exception.
I left the front door open while eddie and I quickly changed so we could stroll to our voting precinct 2 blocks away. Aurora crawled outside and paused in this incredible imitation of spider man: hands on the ground, one foot under her like playing leap frog and the other stuck out to the side (something very similar to this http://incolor.inebraska.com/stuart/spiderman/spiderman.jpg).
I ran to the bed room to grab a shirt and as I come back out she had moved down the step, facing the door. At this point she typically tries to eat leaves so I wasn't surprised to see her trying to shove something into her mouth. I was surprised, however, to see that it was bright green since all the leaves are a hideous brown.
I walked towards her laughing, "Are you eating worms baby?" Thinking it must be some plastic tubing or god only knows what with eddie working on the bathroom ceiling. but no, as i get closer I realize it is moving and it is very much a worm (catepillar, whatever), "ACK! Baby no!" I moved her hand away from her mouth and the worm fell to the ground and slowly tried to move away, "Spider Man doesn't eat bugs!! and people will laugh at you if you eat them in this country! Maybe when you visit Africa, or some other place you could give them a go..."
I wish now I had gotten a picture.
I live in a state where if I watch the news (which I rarely do any more for my daughter's sake) i will most likely scream obscentities at the telly at least once.
I live in a state where eddie and i cannot get health insurance unless in front of the eyes of the gov't we swear we are of the opposite sex and cross our fingers and swear to love and care till the day we die. Why? because allowing us to be domestic partners, living in sin, having sex and child out of wedlock would open the door for any other decent loving couple of all sorts of sexes to do the same.
and I don't even live in texas (nor do I live in Utah, as heather at http://www.dooce.com points out SHE lives in the reddest state in the union). No, I live in a state where the smart farmers became Republican politicians and all the dumb farmers just sit around and vote for them. fucking Idaho.
but on a better note the weather yesterday was freakishly warm and when I got home eddie hadn't even bothered to open the door all day and had left the heater running so it was about 10 degrees hotter inside and I was already sweating.
Aurora was enjoying playing at superhero. her footsies pjs were unzipped and off her feet, only held on by her adorable arms. sometimes she tries to crawl fast enough to make it turn into a cape flowing behind her. and yesterday was no exception.
I left the front door open while eddie and I quickly changed so we could stroll to our voting precinct 2 blocks away. Aurora crawled outside and paused in this incredible imitation of spider man: hands on the ground, one foot under her like playing leap frog and the other stuck out to the side (something very similar to this http://incolor.inebraska.com/stuart/spiderman/spiderman.jpg).
I ran to the bed room to grab a shirt and as I come back out she had moved down the step, facing the door. At this point she typically tries to eat leaves so I wasn't surprised to see her trying to shove something into her mouth. I was surprised, however, to see that it was bright green since all the leaves are a hideous brown.
I walked towards her laughing, "Are you eating worms baby?" Thinking it must be some plastic tubing or god only knows what with eddie working on the bathroom ceiling. but no, as i get closer I realize it is moving and it is very much a worm (catepillar, whatever), "ACK! Baby no!" I moved her hand away from her mouth and the worm fell to the ground and slowly tried to move away, "Spider Man doesn't eat bugs!! and people will laugh at you if you eat them in this country! Maybe when you visit Africa, or some other place you could give them a go..."
I wish now I had gotten a picture.
3.11.06
Quick update from a sickie
Halloween went well, but must have been my breaking point. I've been feeling ill since. Taken the past few days off work and while today I seem to be bit better (and can venture a little ways from the bathroom) I still can't eat without feeling sick. So my little bit of tomato soup today is still sitting uneasy. who knows.
will have pictures up soon from our outing on All Hallow's Eve as Fiona, Shrek and Donkey. It was very cute, even if quite a hassel.
Aurora went to mom's tonight and I was hoping for another evening out, but instead am very slowly getting laundry done and watching sappy movies about cute boys and girls and wondering why i let so much of the world get to me and why can't eddie and just be like them?
but i'm tired and icky, so that could be some it :)
will have pictures up soon from our outing on All Hallow's Eve as Fiona, Shrek and Donkey. It was very cute, even if quite a hassel.
Aurora went to mom's tonight and I was hoping for another evening out, but instead am very slowly getting laundry done and watching sappy movies about cute boys and girls and wondering why i let so much of the world get to me and why can't eddie and just be like them?
but i'm tired and icky, so that could be some it :)
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