marriage... i think not

"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. There will always be vexations and it is better to know as little as possible about the defects of your marriage partner." - Charlotte from Pride & Prejudice

I must admit I agree, at least until I meet my Mr. Darcy. But i highly doubt there is such a creature in the world and certainly not one interested in transforming his life for such a sad imitation of elizabeth.

i would like to buy a house. i want a wonderful place to raise my family. i want to paint the walls in wonderful beautiful crayola crayon box colors. i want a cat door and some place to plant flowers. i also want a deck from which i may drink tea, read austen, or light up a smoke and down a few margaritas in the cool of a later summer evening.

we've found that house and are working diligently on getting our first time home owner's loan. this house payment will be my entire paycheck. every cent of it on a good month and not quite enough on a slow month.

so what did i do? i agreed with tears and despite my long and hard views on marriage to marry eddie.

this was supposed to happen today. nothing fancy because i can't have it at chatsworth and so it's not worth it.

and then last night i was faced the same problem i'm faced with almost weekly, sometimes daily. shouldn't the person who loves you want to make life easier for you, especially when that task would only take about 10 minutes. and yet he still can't do the things I ask him, like wash the effin' dishes.

even if i come home from work crying almost every night for the past 3 weeks, even if he's had the last 5 days off.

do the ends really justify the means?