29.3.07

Cool Spring

It's cold again. very blustery. almost painful to be outside because you HAVE to bundle up (unless you want to cry) but then the sun is so teasing with its glorious rays that you want to cry anyway just because you should REALLY be in a bikini with baby oil slathered all over you (or maybe it's just the wind blew some dust or twigs into your eyes).

Since my office is on the third floor I have one of the best views on campus-of the entire quad and clocktower and the beautiful blooming trees. because i don't suffer from allergies as so many i work and live with do i enjoy the white flowers on the elms. and because they are on the other side of my unopenable windows i don't have to suffer from the smell (I would describe it to you but ladies aren't supposed to know that semen smells like so it's better left unsaid).

28.3.07

and then came the house

We were supposed to sign on our house today. Supposed to.

the good news, actually the fabulous news, is we're getting all the money we put into it through down payment, inspection and appraisal back and the closing costs are less as is the amount of the loan. All good news. Except we had to rework all of this nightmare of paperwork and won't be signing until 3pm tomorrow.

there was much smoking (on eddie's part), cussing on my part (only at eddie) and a general sickness at the thought of ANYTHING going wrong on our first and likely to be long-lived in home.

I am almost completely packed. Most everything not in boxes is on hangers, so I feel fairly comfortable.

and we're getting a washer and dryer (plus much other furniture) for free as eddie's sister and bro-in-law suddenly evacuated their home (this involves a very convoluted story regarding rehab, abandonment and of course a druggie home filled to the gills with all sorts of vintage items and a lot of trash).

having been called into the bank, and title company for hours on end I have gotten little work done this week, which means I won't be able to take next week off as planned (because planning is pointless as it always goes awry). But i will power through unpacking in the evenings and hope to have everything ready for a large alcohol-fest (under the guise of a house warming party)next weekend.

hopefully I manage the next few hours, days and weeks well enough to post.

6.3.07

marriage... i think not

"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. There will always be vexations and it is better to know as little as possible about the defects of your marriage partner." - Charlotte from Pride & Prejudice

I must admit I agree, at least until I meet my Mr. Darcy. But i highly doubt there is such a creature in the world and certainly not one interested in transforming his life for such a sad imitation of elizabeth.

i would like to buy a house. i want a wonderful place to raise my family. i want to paint the walls in wonderful beautiful crayola crayon box colors. i want a cat door and some place to plant flowers. i also want a deck from which i may drink tea, read austen, or light up a smoke and down a few margaritas in the cool of a later summer evening.

we've found that house and are working diligently on getting our first time home owner's loan. this house payment will be my entire paycheck. every cent of it on a good month and not quite enough on a slow month.

so what did i do? i agreed with tears and despite my long and hard views on marriage to marry eddie.

this was supposed to happen today. nothing fancy because i can't have it at chatsworth and so it's not worth it.

and then last night i was faced the same problem i'm faced with almost weekly, sometimes daily. shouldn't the person who loves you want to make life easier for you, especially when that task would only take about 10 minutes. and yet he still can't do the things I ask him, like wash the effin' dishes.

even if i come home from work crying almost every night for the past 3 weeks, even if he's had the last 5 days off.

do the ends really justify the means?

3.3.07

she hasn't gone away

with a Wonderful baby forever with me, harley is even more repressed than she used to be, but, after an increasingly stressful work environment and an overall miserable feeling of not wanting to be at work but not wanting to face home, she made it out to play.

got home last night much in the mood to cry or at least throw objects for the sheer joy of watching things shatter against the wall. but instead i ignored those feelings, as usual, and danced with Aurora for a little bit until i knew i would break and then packed her bags and had eddie take her to his parents' house.

i started the dishes, but then harley decided to come out and find an outlet for our uncomfortable mood. cranked up marilyn manson, who has never let us down in a mean funk.

put on hot pink harlequin eyes with cabaret style eyelashes, the rest of my face an appropriate stark white and by the time eddie returned home harley was ready to hit the spearmint rhino.

enjoyed the dancers (some more than others) and especially the ones who danced to marilyn manson and tool. forced eddie (because he's shy and not into the dancers as much as i am) to sit at the stage with some of our friends when my favourite dancer came out. i live vicariously through them as i made the mistake of introducing myself to her and then talked for at least 15 minutes and could no longer enjoy her as a sheer beautiful object but as a woman with a child yatta yatta yatta.

held my own in the old harley fashion with a lot to drink and more jager shots than i knew i should and ended the night just as i would have 4 years ago, when harley came out all time, with a fall into a gigantic hole in the parking lot and cut up knees to remind me why i repress harley now that i'm almost always mommy.

but for sanity sake i have to let the insanity out more often.

2.3.07

Fish Book Ends

found these fish book ends on dooce, because i find most of the amazing things in this world there.

they are absolutely delightful, but unfortunately other than the collection of fish tattooed on my body and the ocean accessories around the home i could not, cannot, bring myself to own a fish.

there are many reasons for this. i would be terrified of harming a fish and feel horrible about traumatizing such a fish just to clean out its home. AND even though i managed to get a degree from a liberal art's college WITHOUT taking a single economics course, i do know that purchasing a fish only creates a demand for another fish and maybe more. there will be no sorry little fish in some tiny sad little bowl in my home.

but those book ends are delightful and i may, someday, have to purchase them and fill them with the tiny plants or marbles.

He's HERE!

Seanne just came into my office with Robbie Williams' CD Rudebox and I'm so excited i mite just pee my pants.

I'm only writing this because i'm almost too excited to actually partake of the sheer orgasmic joy of listening to robbie.. plus it has bonus features on the disc and if i watch them at work i might not be able function any more today

okay.. here goes!

1.3.07

can't live without Jane

Picked this tidbit off of Mugglenet.com because I am delighted by the book choices (most of them anyway). I cannot stand "to kill a mockingbird" and don't know why so many people enjoy it. haven't read the pullman book...

"Today is World Book Day, and a poll has been conducted to find the ten books readers can't live without.
1) Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 20%
2) Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkein 17%
3) Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte 14%
4) Harry Potter books - J K Rowling 12%
5) To Kill A Mockingbird - Harper Lee 9.5%
6) The Bible 9%
7) Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte 8.5%
8) 1984 - George Orwell 6%
9) His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman 6%
10) Great Expectations - Charles Dickens .55%"

but i am not surprised in the least to find Jane's Pride & Prejudice the big winner. not only is she one of the greatest authors EVER but who doesn't want to find their mr. or mrs. darcy? someone so dashing and annoyingly arrogant but who of his or her own volition changes to be better person for the one held dearest (Dearest, loviest Elizabeth)!