feng... something or other

I don't do feng shui, but that doesn't mean I don't believe in it. and perhaps I should take the effort to arrange my house but that takes a whole lot of learnin' (or at least following instructions and I just don't have the patience).

but I did move a couch yesterday.. to the place I wanted it all along and maybe that's why it feels better... but whatever the reason my formal living room now feels open and breezy and welcoming.

today I may move a wardrobe.

Music I have to see

I've had a wonderful round of concerts...

To name a few: I've seen TOOL, twice; Counting Crows, twice; Ani DiFranco; Cher & Cyndi Lauper; Incubus; CCR; Three Days Grace, twice; Radiohead; Coldplay; Everclear; Garth Brooks; NKotB; Jack Johnson, etc.

Bryan Adams is coming and I will kill to go. I am sure he will be in the list (with TOOL, Incubus and Cyndy Lauper) of concerts at which I have cried.

I have always loved Bryan Adams. His sappiest love song, "Everything I Do" is still my favourite song of all time. He was only replaced as my favourite singer in '99 when Robbie Williams appeared in the US minus Take That. And since then I keep praying he'll do a cover of "E.I.D."

I prayed to go to Elton John, but it was too pricey (altho hope to see him before I die). Sunny's uncle has been to Tom Jones and Elvis Presley. I am in awe. Much like my parents having been to Bowie (a concert I'm sure I would need oxygen for).

So still on my list of concerts I would do most anything for: Bryan Adams; Robbie Williams (who doesn't tour in the US so I'll have to move to England and pray I can grab a ticket to any European tour I can); David Bowie; TOOL/Perfect Circle (even tho I'm convinced my death will occur at a Perfect Circle concert-The only dream I ever had in which I really died; didn't get a chance to test this theory as the Perfect Circle concert I had tickets for-and a newly written will-was cancelled... maybe someone thought they'd give me a second chance); Madonna (but would prefer old school).

Nightmares

my job is giving me nightmares. honestly, waking up in a sweat because I'm dreaming about things going wrong for my conferences.

Very specific dreams like, getting a call at 5:30 am to have to restock toilet paper in the dorms. fortunately I didn't get a call... but I think having to sleep with my phone under my pillow sends me bad work vibes.

I'm halfway through my FIRST conference. okay.. first for the summer. And while we did them last year this is the first summer I'm pretty much in charge of it all. Isn't my boss so trusting?

And we've completely switched roles. I'm usually like, "don't worry man, it'll turn out all right," while she run around having a heart attack. yesterday someone we work with asked why we'd switched roles. It's a bit surreal.

Need to calm the fuck down tho and visit the doctor. past few weeks I've had weird heart flutterings. really don't want to drop over dead.

where does this road lead?

I don't often find my way to the teeny little town where I grew up, nor do I find time to stop any where in that town and check it out. But recently, as recent as yesterday, I have found myself driving through it. With my daughter in the back seat. It completely unnerves me.

To be reminded of the person I used to be with such a stark reminder of who I am babbling in the back seat.

Maybe it's because after school I always thought my life would be like "sex in the city"-- with a lot less sex, no glamour and very little city, okay, so more like "bridget Jones's Diary"--including the fake British accent and obsessiveness over Mr. Darcy and/or Colin Firth.

And now I'm stuck in some limbo. I'm very happy with Aurora, obviously, but the rest? I feel as if once again I'm waiting for something better, bigger to get my life going. what the hell am i waiting for