life on tv

i haven't been writing. and I haven't been writing because I've decided my life would read better if it were more like it used to be... more like a sitcom, "Tracy enters bar with hot girlfriend, runs into pillar, joins in raucous laughter as the bartender shouts, 'hey Trace!'" rather than a russian novel, "The young mother awoke, as she did every morning, a dullg ray light peering through the bedroom curtains. She travels to the kitchen to heat the kettle for some tea... yatta yatta yatta."

this, however, takes work. One must constantly be in a state of readiness for that moment of awkward funniness. One must expect it, in fact.

incidents so far:
spraying cologne in eddie's eyes as he's teasing me which turns him more into Shrek than anything thus far as he lets loose an ogre yell and blindly stumbles about the shower knocking everything over while I laugh hysterically..

Dreaming about a boy you loved oh so long ago (but haven't seen in months) suddenly appearing at work 4 days later excited to see you and chat, only to be followed by 2 more hot men you've always not-so-secretly crushed on and wishing this were an evening function so you could wear that little black number rather than a morning function and trying to remember if you had brushed your teeth..

meeting up with 3 other girlfriends for dinner only to find that you are ALL wearing jeans and red tops and then decide you should start a gang, but realzing it would be a gang for loud mouth, almost 30-year-old women who all have a fear of committment...

I made it through the holidays. I even came out the other side a slightly better person.

hard to believe, i know, but there you have it.

I am able to have friends over to the house. This is because I am not scared they will think something is wrong with me because I have a basket of dirty clothes and a couple of books out of place. I have learned they already KNOW something is wrong with me and they most likely won't notice the crumbs on the floor and if they do, well, they might also realize it's one of the normal things about me.

This pervades into other areas of life. like the fact that my face won't actually melt away from looking at dirty dishes on the countertop. in fact, they won't even grow legs and attack me in my sleep because I won't leave them there THAT Long, but an extra hour or so is okay.

And because my head won't explode because the dishes are done and laundry isn't put away I'm also much nicer to Eddie. Me turning into a bitch about his messiness hasn't been helping, so I'm letting him do things on his own time schedule and we've both been a bit nicer to each other. He's even commented on how much I've changed over vacation.

I'm hoping to only keep getting better. Understanding that I don't have control over certain areas and is it really worth fighting over other areas. Balance. Balance and learning what is worth sacrificing and what is worth keeping.