The impossible task is not what you thinking. I am not Sisyphus.
My impossible task involves expressing my gratitude enough for the amazing life I lead.
On a regular basis I get to spend time with family (although I miss my far ones). And so much time with other loved ones.
Just this month I have gotten birthday bash after birthday bash from the Aquarian Coup, to ice skating, and dinner at my favourite restaurant, The Hollow, plus a great play I've been wanting to see (Norway by Sam D. Hunter - new).
Then there was the fairly impromptu Nacho Beer Birthday Bash (with color coordinated dessert table) and dinner and flowers from one of my oldest friends.
I have friends who drag me out to jog, drag me out to drink, drag me out with Aurora..and, of course, by drag I actually mean "pressure me to do things that are good for me."
When I am less than stellar I get goodies like CDs taped to my door when I return home late from work. And this CD is labeled "Stress Relief" and contains amazing songs like "Forget You", "Poker Face", "So Bad". And gift certificates for pizza. And office stops with gifts of knee high socks in an owlie bag. The check in phone calls and emails to just make sure I don't need a coffee or a walk.
And there are people I don't know who are nice like a gentleman at the gas station who so thoughtfully didn't charge me for my coffee refill.. and the lady in the cafe the other day who did the same (I must look in desperate need of coffee a lot).
And someday I hope to be able to repay every single kindness. It's an added goal. And if you are reading this you are most likely someone who has brightened my life. Thank you!
23.2.11
14.2.11
Because there is love in the world that is perfect
Yesterday, I turned 31.
It seems miraculous all the changes I have seen since my 30th. I got serious about my self for the first time ever.
Seems odd for someone so ego-centric, but only in the past year have I realized that THIS is my life. And I am the only one responsible for all the things therein contained. So I geared up for the adventure of my life.
Shortly after turning 30, I, with sadness, ended a very important (but unhappy) relationship and deal with the consequences every single day. Aurora has yet to forgive me. And I won't pretend that doesn't crush my soul. I try to explain to her honestly that I made hard choices so we could have a happy life, and she, with her own brutual honesty, tells me she was happier before.
It terrifies me, because I have been in her shoes. There is only one option. I will take her tears and accusations and hold out for the dawn. Her happiness is at stake. Sometime when she is old enough to understand I want both of us to hold up a mirror and be able to say this scary adventure I've set course for was all worth it.
There are almost ancient familial patterns to break; patterns that are angry and passive-aggressive and scared of honesty and self-awareness. I refuse to live that way any longer and the only way I know how to keep Aurora from repeating patterns is to break with them so completely there is no chance to copy them.
We are looking for adventures. We are testing the waters, and oh god is it filled with sharks. Fortunately, although terrified of pain, we love sharks, so we carry on.
We have put on our best frocks and, sometimes masks, road-tripped, said yes when we usually would have said no, danced in public singing our own songs, made our own toys and crafted to our hearts content, and we have said no when we usually would have said yes.
We are looking for more adventures and more adventurers. We hope you'll join us.
Happiness / hit her / like a train on a tra-ck
Coming towards her / stuck still / no turning ba-ck
She hid around corners / and she hid under beds /
She killed it with kisses and from it she fl-ed /
With e-very bubble she sank with a drink /
And wa-shed it away down the kitchen sink.
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are comin' so you better run
Run fast for your mother; run fast for your father /
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers /
Leave all your love and your longing behind.
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive
The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
Can you hear the horse-s/
'Cos here they come
And I- never wanted /
anything from yo-u /
Except /
e-verything / you had
And / what was left after that too / Oh!
Happiness / hit her / like a bullet in the ba-ck
Struck from /a great height
By someone /who should have known be-tte-r / than tha-t
The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
Can you hear the horses /
'Cos here they co-me
Run fast for your mother / run fast for your father
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive
It seems miraculous all the changes I have seen since my 30th. I got serious about my self for the first time ever.
Seems odd for someone so ego-centric, but only in the past year have I realized that THIS is my life. And I am the only one responsible for all the things therein contained. So I geared up for the adventure of my life.
Shortly after turning 30, I, with sadness, ended a very important (but unhappy) relationship and deal with the consequences every single day. Aurora has yet to forgive me. And I won't pretend that doesn't crush my soul. I try to explain to her honestly that I made hard choices so we could have a happy life, and she, with her own brutual honesty, tells me she was happier before.
It terrifies me, because I have been in her shoes. There is only one option. I will take her tears and accusations and hold out for the dawn. Her happiness is at stake. Sometime when she is old enough to understand I want both of us to hold up a mirror and be able to say this scary adventure I've set course for was all worth it.
There are almost ancient familial patterns to break; patterns that are angry and passive-aggressive and scared of honesty and self-awareness. I refuse to live that way any longer and the only way I know how to keep Aurora from repeating patterns is to break with them so completely there is no chance to copy them.
We are looking for adventures. We are testing the waters, and oh god is it filled with sharks. Fortunately, although terrified of pain, we love sharks, so we carry on.
We have put on our best frocks and, sometimes masks, road-tripped, said yes when we usually would have said no, danced in public singing our own songs, made our own toys and crafted to our hearts content, and we have said no when we usually would have said yes.
We are looking for more adventures and more adventurers. We hope you'll join us.
Happiness / hit her / like a train on a tra-ck
Coming towards her / stuck still / no turning ba-ck
She hid around corners / and she hid under beds /
She killed it with kisses and from it she fl-ed /
With e-very bubble she sank with a drink /
And wa-shed it away down the kitchen sink.
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are comin' so you better run
Run fast for your mother; run fast for your father /
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers /
Leave all your love and your longing behind.
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive
The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
Can you hear the horse-s/
'Cos here they come
And I- never wanted /
anything from yo-u /
Except /
e-verything / you had
And / what was left after that too / Oh!
Happiness / hit her / like a bullet in the ba-ck
Struck from /a great height
By someone /who should have known be-tte-r / than tha-t
The dog days are ove-r /
The dog days are do~ne /
Can you hear the horses /
'Cos here they co-me
Run fast for your mother / run fast for your father
Run for your children all your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive
12.2.11
Burlesque
After a slightly excruciating physical therapy appointment (which went long because they added more exercises to my routine) I made it to the big city (late... I know. Me. late instead of 15 minutes early. I'm pretty sure Frances' lackadaisical time keeping is wearing off on me). Enjoyed a couple of beers with an acquaintance and headed over to the Visual Arts Collective to enjoy "Time Machine", a burlesque show.
The line was very long and it was freezing outside. Fortunately, there were friendly people in line with us to chat a bit. I felt incredibly horrible for the young lady in stockings and pasties (and that's a long A, although come to think of it, a hot pumpkin pasty would have been delicious) running around telling everyone they had oversold and there would be standing room only. I think perhaps if you are running around in a crowd almost nude the adrenaline helps keep you warm. It was starting to keep us a bit warm.
And then there was a very persnickety man bitching about how everyone who had already bought a ticket shouldn't have to wait in the cold. It was quite grating and I wanted him to drink more and speak less. There was also a couple of boys in a truck who pulled up and yelled to the giant line of people, "Is something going on here?"
The crowd was only half what I expected. Attractive 20-30 year-olds in sexy fishnet stockings and red lipstick or in black caps and leather wrist bands. And then a lot of older people, which kinda weirded me out, but it shouldn't really because I'm sure I'll still enjoy doing such things in 20-40 years.
We found seats next to a group of people we had spoken to briefly during our drinks at the bar... Dave, Amanda, LeAnn and Charlie. I sat next to Dave, who was uber-friendly. We shared beer and quips about the performances.
I also discovered, during intermission, that the men's bathroom seemed much cleaner (not that the women's wasn't clean, because it was) in comparison to other restrooms. Also, the men in there were all very courteous. One was so kind as to allow me use of his stall after he was done, which I thought was very nice way of handling the fact I walked into the bathroom with men using the urinals and the stalls with the doors all open. He chatted with me about how he would normally put the seat down but wanted to make sure all the ladies using the restroom that evening knew he had not peed on the seat. And then he waited for me to finish so he could direct me which paper towel dispenser still had towels in it. I didn't catch his name, and now I feel bad about it.
The show was great. Very talented women. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have some of the muscles they do. But it certainly helps keep me exercise oriented, since they were very lovely to watch. There was pole dancing, hoola huping (one of my favourite), dancing robots, robe and sash climbing, silly strip teases, and hot belly dancing. All one could want in a burlesque really.
Has me super geared up for Idaho Shakespeare Festival's rendition of "Cabaret" this season (one of my favourite musicals).
The line was very long and it was freezing outside. Fortunately, there were friendly people in line with us to chat a bit. I felt incredibly horrible for the young lady in stockings and pasties (and that's a long A, although come to think of it, a hot pumpkin pasty would have been delicious) running around telling everyone they had oversold and there would be standing room only. I think perhaps if you are running around in a crowd almost nude the adrenaline helps keep you warm. It was starting to keep us a bit warm.
And then there was a very persnickety man bitching about how everyone who had already bought a ticket shouldn't have to wait in the cold. It was quite grating and I wanted him to drink more and speak less. There was also a couple of boys in a truck who pulled up and yelled to the giant line of people, "Is something going on here?"
The crowd was only half what I expected. Attractive 20-30 year-olds in sexy fishnet stockings and red lipstick or in black caps and leather wrist bands. And then a lot of older people, which kinda weirded me out, but it shouldn't really because I'm sure I'll still enjoy doing such things in 20-40 years.
We found seats next to a group of people we had spoken to briefly during our drinks at the bar... Dave, Amanda, LeAnn and Charlie. I sat next to Dave, who was uber-friendly. We shared beer and quips about the performances.
I also discovered, during intermission, that the men's bathroom seemed much cleaner (not that the women's wasn't clean, because it was) in comparison to other restrooms. Also, the men in there were all very courteous. One was so kind as to allow me use of his stall after he was done, which I thought was very nice way of handling the fact I walked into the bathroom with men using the urinals and the stalls with the doors all open. He chatted with me about how he would normally put the seat down but wanted to make sure all the ladies using the restroom that evening knew he had not peed on the seat. And then he waited for me to finish so he could direct me which paper towel dispenser still had towels in it. I didn't catch his name, and now I feel bad about it.
The show was great. Very talented women. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have some of the muscles they do. But it certainly helps keep me exercise oriented, since they were very lovely to watch. There was pole dancing, hoola huping (one of my favourite), dancing robots, robe and sash climbing, silly strip teases, and hot belly dancing. All one could want in a burlesque really.
Has me super geared up for Idaho Shakespeare Festival's rendition of "Cabaret" this season (one of my favourite musicals).
10.2.11
My Creative Space
This evening's work break brought to you by Kirsty!
Here is some of the mess created in my office by creating!
My desk tonight is a bit messy. The ever present Gala binder to my left and some beverages in front. I'm spoiling myself with the left over of Frances' lunch soda and that's actually water (it was coffee until about three hours ago). And, of course, a desktop wall paper to get me through any stressful moments that might arise. WOOT MULDER AND SCULLY.
Sorry about that. Little delirious.
Some other fun things are
The paddles all over the floor have nothing to do with any of my work. Debi is the master mind behind those and Seth and Frances and lots of others have been putting together hundreds of them. The background is items that will soon need to be displayed prettily at the Gala or Day at the Capitol and my desk is covered in what will sometime soon be finished table numbers.
Yep. This is what we're creating around here. Soon though I'll be back to feltiness.
don't forget to visit the ladies hanging out with Kirsty.
9.2.11
The Proof Is In!
Some pictures from our very fun Aquarian birthday celebrations.. more celebrations to come, of course, since my birthday hasn't even happened yet!
Back Row: Kate, Becky, Nick, Jake, Sam, Katie, Diana.
Middle Row: Tiffany, Emma, me.
Front Row: Aurora.
My life partner is calling this my "Trapped in a glass cage of emotions" picture
Birthday Ring around the Rosie? Not sure, definitely not something which I could do
The Aquarian Survival Kit.. Jake came with poetry and a prank kit; they all came with mints, gum, condoms, aspirin, saltines, Vitamin Water, etc., just to make sure we were all okay.
And, yes, I did use the aspirin and saltines.
In fact, this morning Aurora decided she needed to eat the left over saltine (which was still in the baggy in the car, along with my heels). She asked why I got sick. I told her I drank too much and she concurred. Happens all the time to her, she says. What did I drink?
Beer.
Well, beer is good for you, isn't it mom. I like beer.
Yes, Aurora, I know you do.
But, mom, you should only have 3, or 1 or 2 or 0.
Yes, I should have. But I had much more than that.
Frances, Emma, Katie, and Tanya. Katie, the organizer; the rest Aquarians..
the "A" badges provided by yours truly
Not a true celebration without the hookah (?)
and it was coconut, yummy!
I think I'm teary eyed from all the hookah love.
And we won't post pictures from the morning after. It wasn't pretty.
Neither was our rally for the Superbowl. But we did it. Kind of. At least some of us sat in a room together and watched the telly. That was about all we had energy to do.
xo
8.2.11
Unnecessary Negative Reflections of Undying Hellish Energy
in other words: UNRUHE.
I have it around this time of year. The time of the Gregarious And Loathsome Affair. It would not be so horrible if it did not penetrate every moment, waking and sleeping.
Since dreams are on the slate I thought we could go through a quick list of some of the Gala dreams I have had - JUST THIS YEAR. And, as was pointed out today, we have 17 more days. 17 more days of nightmares.
1. MLK Day, Washington D.C. Gala. Wherein everyone in the world connected with the Affair is in DC for a MLK Day speech (a full month before the event) and my boss turns to me and asks where all the placecards (all 680 of them) and name tags and programs and bid paddles, etc., are. My panic attack woke me.
2. The Potluck Gala: the event begins 4 hours too soon, with only 10 of the 68 tables, and they are the wrong shape.. banquets, not rounds, and they aren't linened nor do they have any decor. And no one who is supposed to show up is there, only people who aren't on the guest list. And I've forgotten to get Gluten-Free food for one of our workers. And I sink into the carpet behind the registration table and have a momentary freak out.
3. The Cat Gala: someone solicited a bunch of cats (please think crazy cat lady amount of cats) and they have been put into the school weight room for us to care for until time for the Gala. Again, I manage to NOT keep it together and pull the pointing finger with raised voice at many many people about the absurdity of auctioning off live animals.
These are the more interesting aspects of each dream which last far too long and are filled with all sorts of people wondering why I haven't done my job and everything is a wreck.
And then I wake up and realize the most horrible part is it's not even over yet.
I have it around this time of year. The time of the Gregarious And Loathsome Affair. It would not be so horrible if it did not penetrate every moment, waking and sleeping.
Since dreams are on the slate I thought we could go through a quick list of some of the Gala dreams I have had - JUST THIS YEAR. And, as was pointed out today, we have 17 more days. 17 more days of nightmares.
1. MLK Day, Washington D.C. Gala. Wherein everyone in the world connected with the Affair is in DC for a MLK Day speech (a full month before the event) and my boss turns to me and asks where all the placecards (all 680 of them) and name tags and programs and bid paddles, etc., are. My panic attack woke me.
2. The Potluck Gala: the event begins 4 hours too soon, with only 10 of the 68 tables, and they are the wrong shape.. banquets, not rounds, and they aren't linened nor do they have any decor. And no one who is supposed to show up is there, only people who aren't on the guest list. And I've forgotten to get Gluten-Free food for one of our workers. And I sink into the carpet behind the registration table and have a momentary freak out.
3. The Cat Gala: someone solicited a bunch of cats (please think crazy cat lady amount of cats) and they have been put into the school weight room for us to care for until time for the Gala. Again, I manage to NOT keep it together and pull the pointing finger with raised voice at many many people about the absurdity of auctioning off live animals.
These are the more interesting aspects of each dream which last far too long and are filled with all sorts of people wondering why I haven't done my job and everything is a wreck.
And then I wake up and realize the most horrible part is it's not even over yet.
7.2.11
Lost Time
Lots of lovely things happening, like the ice skating (where I didn't die) and Aquarian felty brooches (but only for the truly adventurous) and complexes and beer. There is proof of such things, but I have yet to see it.
For now know that I am trying to keep my face on (have been attacked by some dread plague probably carried by bees or oil tankers) and I promise to update with photos soon. And hopefully the work nightmares will end soon (probably not until February 25 when the Gala is over). And I'll have more time for spending time (without giving the plague).
But until then...
enjoy some Mumford & Sons with me.
For now know that I am trying to keep my face on (have been attacked by some dread plague probably carried by bees or oil tankers) and I promise to update with photos soon. And hopefully the work nightmares will end soon (probably not until February 25 when the Gala is over). And I'll have more time for spending time (without giving the plague).
But until then...
enjoy some Mumford & Sons with me.
2.2.11
My Creative Space
Ah, ha! My creative space.. yes, here it is. Okay, I'm fibbing a bit. It was MUCH more everyone else's creative space. But it was a nice time out with the ladies. I hope we repeat it soon.
We started the night out right, with wine and hat selection at Frances'. I was rocking the "feder" fedora, but Aurora stole it like the demanding pirate rock star she is.
(Tanya and Aurora)
On the way to crafts Aurora asked why her "feder" was so big and long. Well, after the snickering subsided Frances pointed out that ALL the cool and important people had big feathers, and if she ever saw someone with a small feather... This is where I interrupt and say, "You should point and laugh." Frances insists she was going to say NOT to point and laugh. We clearly have very different parenting/life skills.
(Katie and Tany and a bit of Aurora's masterpiece)
(Danielle, Emma and Katie and LOTS of craftiness)
I can't lie. Whilst everyone was making layered collages with special meanings and messages and filled with love and glitter, I was at a bit of a loss.
(Just a few of the magically sparkly cards made with lots of love)
I've never been much one for Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong. I love Valentine's Day. Seeing my three favourite colors fill the aisles means something very important: it is almost my birthday. Valentine's is always overshadowed by MY BIRTHDAY.
So I made some notecards...
(I do like their simplicity)
And then Aurora decided it was more fun to play with my phone camera...
I hope you are having a crafty time. For lots of great creative minds, make sure to visit Kirsty!
1.2.11
Because It Is My Month
So a little bit of self-promotion wouldn't go amiss, would it?
The lovely woman who bought all of my heart (owl)ies on the first round wrote the sweetest feedback:
"These are too cute! Very well made! You can tell she put so much time, effort, and love into these little owls!"
And I'm so glad she thinks so, because we all know how enamoured I am with all my little dears - I mean (owl)ies, of course.
And the heart (owl)ies are excited to be in a few treasuries as well!
The lovely woman who bought all of my heart (owl)ies on the first round wrote the sweetest feedback:
"These are too cute! Very well made! You can tell she put so much time, effort, and love into these little owls!"
And I'm so glad she thinks so, because we all know how enamoured I am with all my little dears - I mean (owl)ies, of course.
And the heart (owl)ies are excited to be in a few treasuries as well!
Victoria Heart (owl)ie has been in the following:
Rose Heart (owl)ie got her moment in the sun as well
Hoot!
And tonight we're making fun craftiness with lots of special ladies, so expect some fun crafting photos!
Have a lovely evening!
xoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)