Of All Things

The New Year has hit. The Big Year. So big, some say, it is the end of All Things. The end of life as we know it. And, I must say, I quite agree.

I successfully (although sometimes quite painfully) navigated 2011 and accomplished all of my high and mighty goals. I wrote those lofty goals with absolutely no idea how to realize them.

I did not imagine my fears were so hidden and deep rooted that it would take the worst night of my life smashing me in the face, until I, literally, locked myself in a friend's bathroom paralyzed with panic.

Nor that I could learn to actually love myself. I didn't know that if I stared long enough at all the things of which I am ashamed (physically, spiritually, and mentally) that I could begin to understand how very scared and battered those bits were and they just need attention; and will continue to need attention, but they are me. And I am beauty incarnate. Just like you.

So this year, I want to enjoy the end and beginning of All Things with deliberation. I am going to live resolutely in my deliberateness.

I will write, exercise, meditate, better myself as a parent, and love with the deliberate thoughtfulness I deserve. That, in actuality, each of those moments deserves. Haste will not be rewarded. I will purposefully seek exquisite emotionality of experience.