T00L: the legend

After being introduced to TOOL in 2001 with the release of "Lateralus" I began the adventures of attempting (sometimes successfully) to see them live. 

Attempt 1:

Summer of 2001 I flew to Seattle to visit "the boy" (AKA one of my best friends, NOT boyfriend in spite of my best efforts), under the pretense that he was buying tickets to the concert. Landed at the airport and, fortunately, for his health, I was very much enamoured of him because he had NOT gotten us tickets.

Outcome: Failure in that winning way.

Attempt 2:

Spring of 2002, tickets to the Salt Lake City concert went on sale the day I graduated from college. I graduated, finished packing up "the boy" (AKA FINALLY my boyfriend, for about one whole month), sent him off through my tears, and bought us TOOL tickets.  Within another month I moved on, breaking us both a little (I think), because the drama was more sustaining for me. And "Schism" was our story as we road tripped to the concert.

But I rocked my red corset and anime hair and cried when they sang "Jimmy"

Outcome: Winning in that failing kind of way.

Attempt 3:

FINALLY, TOOL came back to Boise in 2003.  I bought tickets.  They were only $35.00, so I bought three and took a close friend and a hot boy I was trying to impress.  Concert was unbelievable.  Boy turned out to be a douche.  Friend and I haven't spoken in years. 

I rocked my red corset again, this time with shorter hair, and don't remember if I cried.

Outcome: Win

Attempt 4:

10,000 Days released.  Came to Boise in December of 2007.  He who shall not be named was supposed to get us tickets.  One of the few tangible gifts I ever asked of him.  Suffice to say he couldn't be bothered with sacrificing some of his $400.00 a month food bill (Side note, fat men should NOT work in grocery stores AND eat out 7 times a day) to afford the tickets.  

Outcome: FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL

Attempt 5:

RENO! 2012! Wonderful long-time friend, and sorority sister, Christine, informs me TOOL is touring and coming to her town.  I buy plane tickets.  A quick over night stay.  Red Corset was lost along with my 50 lbs the year previous.  Quick FB shout out gets me lots of new clothes and offers of delicious satin and pleather.  So outfit is acquired within a week.

Hit Reno, and my favourite coffee shop (the only one within hours).

And visit Lake Tahoe

And get my modeling in a graveyard of sorts...

And the line into TOOL is the longest I've ever seen! It wraps around city blocks.  And we end up behind a group of friendly TOOL fans, and we're friendly, too, so it works out well.  The only problem with these two groups, is they each contain one very lascivious, flirtatious, and outgoing person.  I, of course, happen to be ours.  And then "Steve" (oh okay, his name was REALLY Gary) was the other.

As a note of warning to anyone shooting for absolutely ridiculous and awkward (as I so often am), sometimes when someone asks you an absolutely ridiculous question, they don't expect you to say yes.  And sometimes when someone answers yes to an absolutely ridiculous question they don't expect you to follow through.  When the two collide something like the following ensues:  (please consider this a disclaimer that this is entirely inappropriate, and might embarrass you, but hilarious)

G: "Can I bite you?"

T: LAUGHING, "Sure."

G: swoops, pulling corset down, scooping unsuspecting me off the ground while latching his mouth onto exposed flesh.

T: Spinning above the ground, laughing and squealing in hysterics.

G: Eventually unlatches and sets me down, "Thanks!"
T: Laughing, too shocked to even manage a blush, "You're Welcome."

As the security guards split us off into gender specific groups for searches Gary ends up behind me for the first time.

G: "oh my god, your ass is fabulous, too! Can I bite it?"
T: I may not be very bright, but I'm not ALWAYS an idiot, "Gary, you're all out of time! It's my turn and Maynard is waiting!"

Thus saving the crowd and my dear friend any more instances of public nudity and lewd acts.

And I cried when "Stinkfist" played and again at "Schism" and I tried not to worry too much that it might be the last time I heard TOOL live.  It was amazing.

Outcome: Win; with a side of embarrassing awkwardness.